OP, only you can make the choice about whether this marriage is worth staying in. But secondhand smoke doesnt have an opt-out. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . Her hotel room was amazing, and Im pretty sure it had a little museum in that hotel too. At work? But other things may be reasonable eg nightly call ins and letting husband know that she is not going to call or answer his calls during the day. I think if OPs husband was acting reasonably, this would be a good solution. Are you ok with dealing with his overexagerations, accusations, and paranoia whenever you go for a trip by yourself or is it starting to get on your nerves. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. Im really not interested in goingI dont gamble, I dont care for tourist attractions, etc. Except I divorced mine. My husband makes every work trip a miserable experience for me and is angry at me for days before and days after. Time to treat him like a tantruming toddler. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. Boss was happily married, and both he and his wife treated me like a daughter. P.S., you forgot to shill The Gift of Fear.. My legs were killing me and I my throat was sore :(! Rape! and my husbands main reaction has been I hope you have a great time, and Im glad you are not trying to get me to go too. OPs husbands friends would have a conniption if they heard about my situation! Roller coasters! For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). OPs husband sounds like my mom. I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. Alisons advice suggesting marriage counseling is good. He wasnt healthy for me. Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. A decade? Most of them. I have informed him and he hasnt taken it very well. It reminds me of what my parents always said to stop me doing things. He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. As a side note to all of this, I watched the original CSI religiously for about 8 years, and had never been to Vegas (no easy opportunity and not really my thing). So its not like its all new. But she did not mention that she had her picture taken with male strippers that she would never told me if hadnt found them. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. In the end, she chose her career and her child (who was 4 years old then) over her husband, because she eventually realized that this behavior was not normal, and was not a reflection on her. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. Today, we can take a million pictures to find the right one, but in the Groovy era you had one chance to get the perfect shot. I think youre going to get a lot of pile on against your husband here I do hope you feel supported and not overwhelmed. You and a therapist will be able to figure that out and take next steps. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. There is SO much more to Vegas than gambling, booze, and illicit sex. :). Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. I think it was just awkward phrasing and the intent of the update meant his friends objected to the very idea of letting their spouse go to Vegas. Food! I'm scheduled for a c-section on September 21st and although it's not that far away, it's definitely not as close as I would like it to be. Unless therapy can move him beyond this pathetic lack of respect for either her or confidence in his own worth, this is a nightmare of a lifetime to contemplate. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? I agree with Allison though, this is a situation that requires some heavy duty marriage counseling no matter what. how do I get out of an active-shooter drill at my office? And so on. I dont have anything else to add to what everyone else has said except that when youre there, I HIGHLY recommend going to Gordon Ramsays BURGR at the Planet Hollywood Hotel. I dated a guy like that! Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. I trust my wife but I dont trust a lot of strange people. What other people? Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. Probably he is a reasonable person, perhaps he has an anxiety problem. I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). Hes using the great, ambiguous They to give his personal feelings more weight. This is part of your JOB. But even if its absolutely true that hes worried about this, NO WAY should OP allow her husbands irrational fear sabotage her job! this makes me IRATE. The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. Sometimes its easier to understand from the outside by hearing other stories about how irrational thoughts can impact our lives. I would say that its not necessarily couples counseling that is needed, but that your spouse needs to talk with someone. That sounds more like a problem with the type of people your employer has hired, as opposed to being a problem with Vegas. And Id highly recommend that book to the OP, so she can try to tease out for herself whether shes just got an insecure, underemployed husband, or one whos using jealousy as a control mechanism, at least in part so that he may remain comfortably underemployed. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. Some couples like a lot of separate space between them, others dont. She is doing the heavy lifting in supporting the family and yet he wants to control and damage her control. Where is he staying. It is NOT his choice whether you go! OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. Why he wants to go alone. A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. walk. Its like the person who tried to quit, and their boss polls the other managers and then tells employee that the other managers all agree, employee does not have a good enough reason to quit. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. I have to comment on this one. Your husband has insane insecurity issues. THANK you. Get yourself some counseling, with or without your husband (and explore whether or not this is the type of relationship that is healthy for you to continue to be in). Seriously, OP this is *NOT* normal. Which is actually one of the reasons why I think this is not just a control issue. Whatever the cause, a therapist will best equipped to help. He may be social with neighbors and coworkers, but hes not a friendly guy. This is WAAAY different than not having a closed door meeting with a member of the opposite sex, though. You deserveit! About 3 months in (together 3 years now), I went for a very long walk, in a not-well-lit, bad sidewalks area, as I was used to doing. Scheduled calls are a great idea. ), but she saw danger everywhere. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. And that now his family isdisappointed inme. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. Ill wait. He chose, and I repeat chose this lifestyle. Ive also recently spent a weekend away with a close friend at a lake for a swimming event, and numerous overnight trips to see my family or friends in other parts of the country. I know you know this, Anonymous Poster, but I want to add something to this statement. The other possibility is that hes skewing the hell out of the question somehow to make his stance seem more reasonable, like Would you guys be okay with your spouse taking off to Vegas and drinking and partying all weekend for work? So yeah somethings just not right. Being in Vegas to me would be about eating at fancy restaurants, doing the neon lights tour, etc. No, but I feel like almost every thread, somebody chimes in with an armchair anxiety diagnosis. Even if I didnt hear from him or vice verse, we are adults. If he refuses because everyone who goes to Vegas becomes adulterous instantly and HE doesnt want that to happen to HIM then you have a completely different issue from he refuses to let her go at all because He Said So. The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. I posted above about his great and powerful They. The Everybody who agrees with him. And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. For anyone who has traveled for business, it is a dream destination because it is convenient. I cannot stress how much this letter pisses me off. Good luck and please update us! The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. Whether its legitimate is pretty much beside the point. One ofour Bright Side readers sentus ane-mail pouring her heart out about atricky situation shes going through. Ive actually been there and I agree its overplayed and that corporate concerns are more about flights and conference rooms but its weird to act like youve never heard this stereotype. Just like someone might look for a spouse who is athletic or smart or has a certain sense of humor or earning power, it might be important that FutureSpouse has the skills to share a household with the in-laws. We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. But yeah, I would go to a counselor rather than skipping straight to a lawyer unless there are more flagrant issues. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. I strongly suspect it is not actually about Vegas, but perhaps a trip full of family friendly activities there could solve his issue if it is, in fact, about Vegas. Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. My grandmother pays for the trip. I deal with those worries by making sure he has the tools he needs to accommodate those shortcomings, not by hobbling his life. I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. Thats exactly what Im doing right now too and it will be so much better when I dont have to justify the work trip to my husband and I dont have to pander to his unfounded insecurities. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call.

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